Home of The Naughty Stories Series
“I’d never bet on something like that,” said Fast Johnny adamantly. “You did.” “I didn’t.” “You did.” “This is getting childish. Anyway, I don’t remember it.” “Be that as it may, I bet you can’t reach the boundary edge before that limping, three-legged Yorkshire terrier. It’s your ball.” “Are you casting aspersions on my fitness?” …
Revenge, they say, is a dish best served chilled. If that is the case, our Antipodean Cousins have a peculiar way of serving it up, especially where cricket and a picnic is concerned. Mark Hughes, known to friends and colleagues alike as Markie, had not played cricket since the under fifteens when he decided to …
It was two o’clock in the morning; everything was going swimmingly when Henry turned around and saw Ed Valour swaying on the barstool beside him. “Could kill one of those gin slims you’re drinking only I appear to be short of a bob or two.” Henry giggled and felt in his pocket: “Ed, never you …
“Sex is emotion in motion.” Mae West “Emotion is sexual motion.” Mabel Maude thinks I should understand carte blanche, since I always act as if I have it. Contrary to what dearest M thinks, however, the meaning of this expression is not what it seems. Though it is true, the characters in these stories would …
“She had more curves than a scenic railway.” P. G. Wodehouse “I rather like scenic railways. Especially if they have steam.” Maude Denim jackets are two a penny; but mine was special with studs and little badges of Pisa and Florence. Actually, it was Sylvia who “burrowed” it to me, as we used to say, …
“I do not understand why, when I ask for grilled lobster in a restaurant, I’m never served a cooked telephone.” Salvador Dali “Once in a restaurant, I asked for grilled cuttlefish and was served a shuttlecock.” Maude Diego, who I haven’t seen except on Facebook since we were in our twenties, introduced me to the …
“It was a perfect marriage. He didn’t want to. And she couldn’t.” Spike Milligan “It was an imperfect perfect marriage. Neither were able to.” Mabel “Families! Who needs Families?” – When Mabel has glass in hand; some of it will inevitably spill on the table cloth. – “Surely, you know where you are going in …
“We don’t grow older. We grow riper.” Pablo Picasso “Someone cites it, and I steal it.” Mary Sands Golden Years was a song, I recall, we could not get enough of in our early twenties. Overstall, I recall, was obsessed by it, as he was the Ficus Benjamin, which still stands tall in the hall …
“Every saint has a past, every sinner a future.” Oscar Wilde “Every penitent should have a present. At Christmas and birthdays.” Maude Maude will say she’s an agnostic, and I’m a lapsed Catholic. I don’t know what that says about our upbringings. Melvin always said one should have a proper upbringing, but I never really …
“That’s the reason they are called lessons. They lesson from day to day.” Lewis Carroll Mistress to Dog, Dog to Mistress. Master to Slave. Slave to Dominatrix… Diego, who else, says we conceive of our relationships in terms of lessons regarding status and action. Character is irrelevant when the idea possesses us. Madam Li has …