Home of The Naughty Stories Series
“Perfection is terrible. It cannot have children.” Sylvia Plath After all the time I’ve known Maude, it’s actually me who takes the trouble with washing up. I can’t stand dirty plates. Washing up doesn’t simply happen, it needs to be done properly. Firstly: all the dishes need to be stacked on one side of the …
“Why so scrawny cat? Starving for fat fish or mice… or backyard love?” Matsu Bashō, haiku Tony, who has not appeared directly in this book until now, once explained the concept of the dead cat. It went something like this: “Dead Cats – revolting really although of course they can be very charming when they …
“Second star to the right and straight on ’til morning.” J. M. Barrie Maude told me last night over a bottle this is the cookie section of the book. I asked her what she meant. She said: it’s the one where everyone’s dreaming. Not all dreams are pleasant, I think. Angus says he only ever …
“To the victor belong the spoils.” Senator William M. Macy Mabel says she is not remotely patriotic or nationalistic, and therefore refused point blank to write this introduction. (She is only interested in the isle of Mabel (what would that be: a few palm trees and someone serving her dates or Turkish delight whilst she …
Well, that just about sums it up. Maude’s fallen asleep, snoring, and I can’t find my ear plugs! Then I see we have a text from Pushkin, who, naturally, is always up at this time of night… There is a link to a site in Cyrillic, and some rather grisly photos, followed by this rather …
“I have the body of an eighteen-year old. I keep it in the fridge.” Spike Milligan From my point of view this Milligan is pretty dark. You don’t expect a comic to think like a mass murderer. In Italy we have many comics. Unfortunately, they are all in politics. My friend Patti says they are …
“I don’t conquer; I submit.” Casanova he old lothario certainly has the bragging rights. Though if you ask me it’s pretty fucked up when a man believes his prowess is solely linked to his libido. I didn’t know the ladies suffered from the same affliction until Instagram came along and persuaded them otherwise. Giorgio tells …
“When the heart speaks, the mind finds it indecent to object.” Milan Kundera Italians always say London is grey. It is the common place, as we say, you English the cliché. And I thought the same till a certain lady friend took me for a little walk along the Embankment, just before the sun is …
“You only live twice. Once when you are born, and once when you look death in the face.” Ian Fleming “There is a third, but you won’t know it until you get there.” George Giorgio asks me if I ever look death in the face. My natural inclination is to avoid the question, which just …
“A gentleman is simply a patient wolf.” Lana Turner “A wolf is simply an impatient gentleman.” Giorgio A friend of mine, Patti, is a very important psychiatrist in southern Italy, I joke with her, she cannot become my shrink. We know far too much about each other. Anyway, besides being a shrink, Patti is also …