Home of The Naughty Stories Series
“She had more curves than a scenic railway.” P. G. Wodehouse “I rather like scenic railways. Especially if they have steam.” Maude Denim jackets are two a penny; but mine was special with studs and little badges of Pisa and Florence. Actually, it was Sylvia who “burrowed” it to me, as we used to say, …
“I do not understand why, when I ask for grilled lobster in a restaurant, I’m never served a cooked telephone.” Salvador Dali “Once in a restaurant, I asked for grilled cuttlefish and was served a shuttlecock.” Maude Diego, who I haven’t seen except on Facebook since we were in our twenties, introduced me to the …
He saw her through the crowd. How unusually attractive, he thought, alone but confident, not quite part of the scene, but detached, perhaps amused by it all. They spoke briefly. She smiled at him and they wandered outside. “What do you do?” “I am a writer.” “That is absurd but romantic nonetheless. I don’t know …
Mary had been quite specific: if you are going to come to the party, you need to bring a boy. Preferably with a peacock feather. “What does she mean a peacock feather?” said Em, “I can’t stand strutting types.” “Don’ be silly, M. I don’t think that’s what she meant.” “What did she mean then?” …
“It was a perfect marriage. He didn’t want to. And she couldn’t.” Spike Milligan “It was an imperfect perfect marriage. Neither were able to.” Mabel “Families! Who needs Families?” – When Mabel has glass in hand; some of it will inevitably spill on the table cloth. – “Surely, you know where you are going in …
“We don’t grow older. We grow riper.” Pablo Picasso “Someone cites it, and I steal it.” Mary Sands Golden Years was a song, I recall, we could not get enough of in our early twenties. Overstall, I recall, was obsessed by it, as he was the Ficus Benjamin, which still stands tall in the hall …
“Every saint has a past, every sinner a future.” Oscar Wilde “Every penitent should have a present. At Christmas and birthdays.” Maude Maude will say she’s an agnostic, and I’m a lapsed Catholic. I don’t know what that says about our upbringings. Melvin always said one should have a proper upbringing, but I never really …
“That’s the reason they are called lessons. They lesson from day to day.” Lewis Carroll Mistress to Dog, Dog to Mistress. Master to Slave. Slave to Dominatrix… Diego, who else, says we conceive of our relationships in terms of lessons regarding status and action. Character is irrelevant when the idea possesses us. Madam Li has …
A rich man had sent his butler and assistant to make inquiries of a lady he had glimpsed in an exclusive West End club. “Well, did you see her?” “Yes, sir. “She’s Indonesian?” “I didn’t think so. At least she never told me where she was from. Besides, she sometimes spoke French.” “Oh, one of …
“Perfection is terrible. It cannot have children.” Sylvia Plath After all the time I’ve known Maude, it’s actually me who takes the trouble with washing up. I can’t stand dirty plates. Washing up doesn’t simply happen, it needs to be done properly. Firstly: all the dishes need to be stacked on one side of the …